FOOTBALL4GOOD MAGAZINE | MARCH 2020

Football is a game of second chances and my story is theembodiment of this reality. Having struggled with depression and alcoholismformyentireadult life, football hasalwaysofferedmeameansofescaping myproblems. I’veplayed football at ahigh level collegiately, andmybestmomentson thepitchalwayscoincidedwithmyhappiest moments off the pitch. Unfortunately, I couldn’trelyonthesemomentstomanifest themselves consistently. Mydrinking also coincidedwith someofmy happiestmemories as a coach. Obviously, these two things cannot go hand in hand. I kept trying to hold on to soccer through these tough times. On my part that was selfish, but I felt such an attachment to the kids I was coaching that I was blinded by the contradiction of it all. I was later fired by a club team that I was coaching after I started drinking again. It gave me a badly needed reality check about my behaviour and, honestly, that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. After multiple trips to rehab and subse- quent relapsing, enough was enough. I have been sober since October 28, 2017. I have to remember that I aman alcoholic and that if I want to keep soccer in my life, my recovery has to come first. Over the years, I have burnt a lot of bridges and really done a lot of damage to a lot of people around me. So, when I got the call from Tony Everett at Pure Game, the decision to start helping them out was a no-brainer. I owe the people in soccer the things I know and have achieved: former coaches, teammates, and all the people that are still helping me through my recovery. I still have somuch passion for the game. Pure Game has given me a chance for atonement and working with kids from all different backgrounds has been ex- tremely rewarding for me. I am a field champion with Pure Game and play an active on-field role, travelling to about 10 schools a week. I work with a variety of kids and schools. Some are normal elementary schoolswhile someof thekids are coming from juveniledetention facilities or fighting to stay out of them. A lot of the kids from the juvenile deten- tion background are hurt and dealingwith a lot of resentment issues. The soccer is secondary in their lives, but it gives them a means to channel and discuss their anger. I never had this offered to me duringmy teenage years and I’mglad that it is available for them now. The kids are dealingwith a variety of anger issues, which is something that resonates withme. Growing up, I would also get in fights and almost got in trouble with the law a few times. That’s where I know I can use my experience to help them. We try to incorporate the theme of in- clusivity into our lessons and for me, as a lesbian, this is particularly important. We try to eliminate the idea of boys and girls. Instead we talk about ourselves as people, first and foremost. Many of the lessons I try to teach the kids are in line with the Play Proud pro- gramme. It was a year-long programme designed to make sporting spaces more inclusive for LGBTQ+ youth and I have tried to implement the lessons I learned into my continued work on the ground with Pure Game. Another element of the Pure Game programme that I find most influenc- es the kids is being in a bullying free zone. That’s something we really try to emphasise through our activities. The kids know that they are coming to a safe place, free from the bullying that they may have previously experienced. I generally see a group of kids one hour a week. Obviously, I wish I could spend more time with them because I know that outside of that one hour, some of these kids lead particularly difficult lives. But for one hour at least, I know that they can get some respite and just have some fun playing soccer. There are situations that I have a very particular set of expertise in, like young kids that are trying to come out in their teenage years. A couple of months ago, a young student of mine came out as a lesbian. This was an incredibly hard thing for her to do and it got complicated as she started receiving nasty comments and cyber bullying. I myself struggledwith this as a young woman, so for me to be able to help young people deal with their own experience of coming out is something that I am very eager to help with. In high school, although I came out to my teammates, I never came out to my coaches because I felt that it would affect the time I spent on the pitch. I don’t want to see any kid have to deal with the com- plexities of that situation, sowhere I can, it’s very important for me to help. I haveburntmanybridges inmy life through my anger, depression, and especially my struggles with drinking. Every team that gavemea chance tocoach, I betrayed them withmy drinking. Nowadays, I appreciate the ability to coachevenmore and I realise that this ismy final chance for atonement. Despite all of these issues, soccer has been ever-present throughout it all. I owe it tomyself and to the people aroundme to give back to the game and to give back to the kids that are dealing with problems that I have experienced twice over. Pure Game took a chance on me and I am very grateful for the opportunity to work with such an amazing programme. My recovery is the centre of everything I do day to day, but soccer and my work with Pure Game have given me a great platform to bounce back from the many adversities of life. “Having struggled with depression and alcoholism formy entire adult life, football has always offeredme ameans of escaping my problems.” ASECONDCHANCE THROUGH FOOTBALL CANDICE SILVA PURE GAME, UNITED STATES 59 58 FOOTBALL4GOODMAGAZINE | MARCH2020 STORIES FROMTHE FIELD