F4GMag-Eleven-Digital[1230]

I remember in Sweden, I was thirty years old, Erin was gone and I was in this dark apartment – in the US I always have someone. I have a twin sister and I had roommates and others. Then, all of a sudden, I was alone. I got anxiety for the first time and it was just because I was lonely. I was playing my dream, I was play- ing the best football I ever played in my life. Playing football was the only time I would not feel my symptoms. I had a swollen tongue – that’s what it would feel like. As an athlete, you really know your body and I couldn’t under- stand this. I got headaches and I couldn’t sleep and then I’d lose weight because I couldn’t sleep. But when I would step on the pitch, I was free. So, that’s what I mean: football is not only about love, it’s about life and sacrifices. It’s not always easy. Some of the stories (about the hardship of making it) aren’t told. I mean, I’ve had some of the hard stuff, but, for example, in comparison to some of the African players, I’ve had a good journey…Of course, when you’re in it, it doesn’t seem like there are other issues or moments, and if I look back, I might have changed some decisions. But I know that this path, and how I got here, was for a reason. I believe it’s so I can help whoever is next. If I’ve been through it, I can also try to help others. WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO RISE TO THE DEMANDS OF PURSUING AN INTERNATIONAL CAREER AND EXCELLING? I think it takes a unique passion. I think I probably said to myself “I’m retiring! I can’t do this again!” four or five times. And something always navigated me to come back, to push me a little bit farther. I think you will get broken in this sport. Broken, I mean because in football it’s one of the only sports where you do all the extra work and you do it as a team and it really comes down to somebody’s decision. Sometimes the coach has you and sometimes they don’t. I think to be great you also have to have luck. I think sometimes in my career I had luck and sometimes I realised it wasn’t my time. Then you have a decision to make to keep going or stop. YOU ONCE SAID: “SOCCER’S BEEN MY GREATEST LOVE, BUT ALSOMY GREATEST HEARTBREAK.” HOWWOULD YOU EXPLAIN THESE ‘TWO SIDES OF THE COIN’ REGARDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BEAUTIFUL GAME? I grew up in a really troubled environment, I mean it was pretty good until I was about 11 or 12 and then my mom and dad both became alcoholics and got divorced. I mean, I had an amazing childhood, I wouldn’t change it. But later, my mom went to the mental institution – the first time when I was 14 – and, as a high school student, I was so thankful I played sports because I wasn’t bullied or picked on. Because I was a big athlete people really re- spected me and I remember going on the foot- ball pitch when things were crazy at home or not understanding why I didn’t have the money that normal kids had and that (the pitch) was the only place where I was free. I would go next to these girls from the richer side of town and we’d put our cleats on the same way. That was my moment of ‘you know what, I am equal! I can show my true colours here, I am strong and fast. I’ve worked for this’. It was my time to be normal and I think that’s carried me throughout my career. I didn’t have a national team backing but I’ve made it to Wolfsburg and the Champions League final and in the wom- en’s game when you don’t have a national team backing that’s not heard of. I know that I’ve made it all by myself and I wasn’t a name and it also takes a while to get over that chip on your shoulder. I think the downside is if you always have that chip you never sit back and say ‘I’ve done it, enjoy it.’ You always want to work. HOWABOUT THE OTHER SIDE –WHYWAS FOOTBALL YOUR “GREATEST HEARTBREAK”? I think I’ll probably get emotional now, but I mean I was married for five years and, you know, Erin, she is one of the most incredible human beings I have ever met. We met through football and, then, because of football, we ended up spending a lot of time apart – that’s not easy. She is still fighting and chasing the dream and I respect that so much. Internationally, you can be away from your family, it can be really dark and lonely, especially when you don’t understand the language or the social aspects of it. 30 31 FOOTBALL FORGOODMAGAZINE | AUGUST 2019 IN-DEPTH INTERVIEW